Nick Cater (“Our cash pays for the ABC’s comment”, The Australian, 22/12) coins the term “Ultimo Spring” to describe what we are told is a spontaneous “public uprising” against the tyranny of left-wing slant at the ABC, albeit mostly confined to The Australian’s opinion pages, which Cater edits.

We learn of an insidious form of this oppression imposed by the angle of a presenter’s eyebrow, which conveys imbalance even when “the transcript offers no evidence of bias”. Cater insists that the ABC alone must pass this “eyebrow test”, because some “paying customers” prefer them horizontal.

But I also contribute to commercial media advertising revenue every time I pass through a checkout, and I can’t change that even by voting. I therefore demand that all the Australian’s journalists keep their eyebrows directly above their eyes at all times.